Episode 6: Return of the Spam/It's not really an episode/If it was it wouldn't be number 6/Why I'm posting less frequently

Hey all. So I haven't been posting very frequently lately, and for that I'm very sorry. Katelyn's due very soon and most of my time is devoted to her. After that, I've had edits/re-writes to do from my agent, so I've been very busy trying to get these pages ready for the publishing houses to see. It's all been pretty time-consuming, and unfortunately for you guys, the blog gets pushed to the back. Sorry!

But in apology, I'll bring back an old favorite. I recieved a spam email the other day, so I decided to post it, along with my reply, here. Enjoy!

The subject line was: I love the Cubbies!!!! (Maybe the spammer thought I lived in Chicago or something? No idea.)

Privet, my gentleman

When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody,
you want the rest of your life To start as soon as possible. This
twenty-first century letter is for my twentieth century soul. My love,
it does not matter that we never met in real world, never talked,
touched or even hold hands. I feel like I know you
already and you are the one for me. In my imagination you are just
perfect and I am dreaming about you all days and nights. We have to
patient in order to get what we want. So I am waiting for you here,
my sweet love http://love-me-cares.net/fenster/

The best of luck
Vall

===========================================

Dear Vall,

It's so weird that you felt this connection with me. The

last few days I have had an emptiness in my heart, and

I knew, simply knew, that it could only be filled through

someone who loved the Cubbies who would send me an

e-mail. You, as George McFly would say, are my density.

Here is the thing, though. I pray you are not foreign. For

if you are not a true, red-blooded American, I shall be

forced to hunt you down like the second-class citizen

you are, take you, and before killing you slowly, rip your

limbs from your body in a nasty way, and mail them to

your family members. Because, you see, God speaks to

me. And he has given me a holy quest. To see all other

nationalities, all those not native to the good ol' US of A,

burn in fiery fire. How would I find you, you may ask.

That is a good question. The answer? Magic. I'm sure

you were not aware when sending this email that you

have contacted a great wizard. The greatest American

Wizard of all time. So, in closing, stop email spamming

me, please.

Thanks.