Thursday, October 22, 2009

Episode 6: Return of the Spam/It's not really an episode/If it was it wouldn't be number 6/Why I'm posting less frequently

Hey all. So I haven't been posting very frequently lately, and for that I'm very sorry. Katelyn's due very soon and most of my time is devoted to her. After that, I've had edits/re-writes to do from my agent, so I've been very busy trying to get these pages ready for the publishing houses to see. It's all been pretty time-consuming, and unfortunately for you guys, the blog gets pushed to the back. Sorry!

But in apology, I'll bring back an old favorite. I recieved a spam email the other day, so I decided to post it, along with my reply, here. Enjoy!

The subject line was: I love the Cubbies!!!! (Maybe the spammer thought I lived in Chicago or something? No idea.)

Privet, my gentleman

When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody,
you want the rest of your life To start as soon as possible. This
twenty-first century letter is for my twentieth century soul. My love,
it does not matter that we never met in real world, never talked,
touched or even hold hands. I feel like I know you
already and you are the one for me. In my imagination you are just
perfect and I am dreaming about you all days and nights. We have to
patient in order to get what we want. So I am waiting for you here,
my sweet love

The best of luck


Dear Vall,

It's so weird that you felt this connection with me. The
last few days I have had an emptiness in my heart, and
I knew, simply knew, that it could only be filled through
someone who loved the Cubbies who would send me an
e-mail. You, as George McFly would say, are my density.
Here is the thing, though. I pray you are not foreign. For
if you are not a true, red-blooded American, I shall be
forced to hunt you down like the second-class citizen
you are, take you, and before killing you slowly, rip your
limbs from your body in a nasty way, and mail them to
your family members. Because, you see, God speaks to
me. And he has given me a holy quest. To see all other
nationalities, all those not native to the good ol' US of A,
burn in fiery fire. How would I find you, you may ask.
That is a good question. The answer? Magic. I'm sure
you were not aware when sending this email that you
have contacted a great wizard. The greatest American
Wizard of all time. So, in closing, stop email spamming
me, please.


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